” I’m not really the dating type… I spent most of my youth trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me and why was I not like my classmates who all fell in love, multiple times, all around me. So my personal experiences in the “dating scene” back in China was highly abnormal and couldn’t be used as an example of anything.
But I did read a lot, and I listened to my friends talking about their experiences. And to be honest, I’m happy that I didn’t enter the Chinese dating scene, so to speak. Chinese dating culture is so toxic I wouldn’t want to touch it with a 10 foot pole.
One thing about Chinese culture is our obsession of female weight. I’m sure Japanese people and Korean people probably know what I’m talking about. There’s tremendous pressure for women to be underweight. I’m not talking about healthy weight, I’m talking about dangerously underweight.
A while back, the so-called A4 waist became trendy:
A4 waist means your waist shouldn’t be larger than a piece of A4 paper held vertically.
And before that I’ve heard the saying that if you’re over 50 kilogram (about 110 lbs), you should be ashamed, and you don’t deserve to be a woman.
Growing up in this environment, for the longest time, I thought I didn’t have a relationship because I was too fat (I was a size 6). And fat people don’t deserve happiness.
Men would openly talk about women’s weight, and laugh at “fat” woman.
And on top of that, there’s the ageism. Women are under tremendous pressure to get married before 25, and then before 30. If you aren’t married before 30, there must be something wrong with you. There’s the famous saying “women are like Christmas gifts, they lose value after 25.”
And on top of the ageism, there’s the anti-intellectualism. The famous saying would be “there’re three types of people: male, female and female PhD”, meaning women pursuing higher education and academia career are not women. They had lost their femininity. And no man would want to date a woman who is smarter and more capable than him.
So, in China, the dating culture is: Women are at their highest value if she’s stupid, less educated, skinny, and under 25. Women’s value is reduced if she’s older than 25, weighs more than 110 lbs, has a master’s degree or above, and is career driven.
No… I wouldn’t want to live in this kind of environment. I wouldn’t want to walk into a clothing store and be told “we don’t carry your size” (US size 8).”